The lengths I’ll go to for a blog post; deep wound, requiring 9 stitches? Go on then!
WTF have you done now G?!
So…I fell on rough ground and I decided to ‘sacrifice’ my hand for my face and the wall that was rapidly approaching it! (Good decision I reckon!)
And the best bit? The home visit I was on my way too, I carried on and did!
- Were you aware that you needed stitches G?!
- Yeah, probably - I just didn’t want to have to deal with it in that moment!
- Good job you hadn’t hit an artery then eh!
- D’oh! Yeah…
What can I say? I felt the greater need was with my client and the work we are doing is all about how she can learn to parent her inner child…and I could give her the “live version” of what I do to care for my little girl (GB).
Nah…you weren’t thinking at all luv! Sorry. Adrenaline ran that session! Yes, I was able to demonstrate how I was ‘fielding’ GB’s PANIC! in that moment but…
I needed to sit in that moment and probably distract myself from the SHOCK that I was actually living (or fighting?!)…as long as the reality of what had just happened wasn’t hitting…I could still function (can you hear how much there is to learn about TRAUMA and the way in which we humans convince ourselves we’re “okay!!!”)
So, ‘pressure’ applied during that hour; blood stemmed; GB soothed and her What if’s…heard, acknowledged, validated…”I know you want Mummy, I know you’re hurt, you want someone to make it better, it’s okay - I know…we’re okay, we just need to do this…then I’ll sort it GB, trust me, I got you” and then I had to put my ‘big girl pants’ on and get real!
There was definitely a conflict there in terms of the need to be “professional”; wanting to cry; being in denial; not wanting to ‘make a fuss’…but I think that ‘Keep calm and Carry on’ (British???) attitude helped me to manage everything in that moment - whereas if I had ignored GB, she could have railroaded me, leaving me the blubbering mess on the floor that was a breath away!!!
Fully aware that ‘scuffed knees’/‘low level’ injury is a huge “trigger” for GB - that’s when she misses her Mummy most…it’s almost like this was “too much” and she couldn’t take over - so I had to put my ‘big girl pants’ on and do (what surely I do best?!) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY…but, look at that, I needed help (and that brought with it guilt, shame and vulnerability!)
Sound familiar folks?!
Turns out this helper finds accepting help quite hard! I don’t do being ‘out of control’ - hence why I’m the one who has always taken responsibility (and become a COUNSELLOR for Heaven’s sake!)…but we’re never talking about victim/rescuer
(Drama Triangle get thee behind me!!!) - this was all very much Transactional Analysis (TA), parent/adult/child…
C definitely helped me (& GB), she was there for me (us) and there were moments where my (our) vulnerability meant that she spoke up (fought) for me…”I can always do it for someone else, but for me?!?!”
To say it was a ‘lesson’ in humility for me…
Can I just share a bit of science now though!? 6.5hrs later…I was being stitched up and I was in HYSTERICS! WTA…?!
Crying and laughing, who knew, are the body’s way of coping with overwhelming emotions in which we feel (whether we realise it or not) out of control. They are both ‘fight or flight’ stress responses and both create physiological adaptations (reducing heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension - and therefore decreasing stress!)
So that adrenaline which helped me get through that client session (how many hours?!) earlier - turns out - was a survival tactic!
And then, facing the PAIN of the multiple local anaesthetic injections and the PAIN of being stitched…when maybe the anaesthetic hadn’t quite taken affect in places…laughter (with, equally, tears in my eyes) was the stress response that was engaged and, the GENIUS by-product of laughter? It begets LAUGHTER!!!
I’m not saying I “did” that (I was out of control, remember?) - but it was BECAUSE of that response to being out of control…what can I say? Isn’t that incredible!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating a trip to A&E to ‘discover’ all of this - but, Wow! Are we humans complex blighters!!!
There’s definitely even more material here because I could say that the need for a ‘Mum’ is not the same as needing your own Mum…that’s the incredible relationship with your own inner child (and why we’re doing a whole weekend on the topic people - retreat, 4th-6th April 2025 folks, yes?!)
…and then there’s the psychology behind why I haven’t mentioned any of these events to my (now with added dementia) Dad - THE person who was my ‘go to’ helper…who can’t anymore - and how that reality sits.
Thank you C, that’s all I can say. Thank you for being with me in my (stress-fuelled!) laughter - and let’s make sure we don’t make it a habit eh; just as easy to watch Sarah Millican instead, and no need for actual bodily harm eh!!!!!!
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