I have a document in my possession that talks about the threat system as being the ‘fight or flight’ response; thankfully I have a far more thorough article that lists the ‘Five ‘F’ Responses to Trauma’.
Let me explain…
The ‘fight or flight’ response is all about the body readying itself to fight or run away; your body and mind are working together to help you survive - always the goal, the instinct is to survive.
The mind is racing to evaluate the threat; our heart beats faster, getting more blood to the muscles to help us to fight or to run away; our hands get cold as a result of blood being forced to the more major muscle groups; breathing becomes quicker and shallower to take in more oxygen - again, for fighting or running; adrenaline is released by the adrenal glands in readiness for action…
So, what happens if, in the vast majority of cases (especially from the perspective of a child) fight or flight cannot be activated?
That’s where the other three ‘f’s’ come in: friend, freeze & flop.
Imagine, the door may be locked or the exit barred - the predator may be a lot bigger and stronger…attempting to fight or run away may see you seriously injured, or worse…which is why ‘friend’ might be deployed initially (try to change their mind…try to appease them…try to stop them that way); ‘flop’ is when ‘freeze’ (we’ll get to that) has failed.
‘Flop’ is where you “exit” mentally and you become ‘half dead’ really (there are some amazing videos on YouTube showing this response in the animal kingdom - where a gazelle will “die” in order to come back to life when the threat has passed!)
In my years of working with those who have come through the worst of traumas, and the hundreds of people I have worked with, ‘freeze’ is definitely the survival instinct I have encountered the most.
When ‘friend, fight & flight’ aren’t possible/haven’t succeeded and we are ahead of ‘flop’…’freeze’ is the only option left - it’s not that you are complying, it’s that this is the automatic body response left to you.
And your body tries to keep you alive in this by keeping you immobile (to endeavour to prevent further injury) and the body is flooded by chemicals to numb you in the event of the inevitable harm.
As a side note, and as someone who has a very “healthy” (?!?) relationship with anger - step aside Nicola Adams - I box - my thinking, for years, was “Well, I’d fight - no question!”
Yeah…you are ignoring the most important word in all of this Geraldine, automatic - our brains decide 7 milliseconds ahead of conscious thought - my brain decides the “safest” route for me - in order to survive.
Not me.
My brain.
That is why it is not your ‘fault’ if the abuse plays out; why the immense shame that plagues the vast majority of people I have seen in counselling - for not fighting, for not running - is unfounded.
You had no choice - this potential life or death situation was taken out of your hands in those 7 milliseconds, it was an automatic body response in the hope of guaranteeing your survival.
You are reading this now; your brain chose correctly, you survived.
No one can therefore say “Well, I’d fight - no question!” because it isn’t actually up to you in reality, it is your survival instinct that has the casting vote.
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