Ever heard of TA? Transactional Analysis? I tell you, it’s the best…
TA wants us to be autonomous (it believes in us!); wants us to be self aware and aware of others (you see why a counsellor would like it hey!); encourages us to be spontaneous, free to choose our responses; to be ourselves and, most importantly, it doesn’t want any more games!
Which brings us neatly on to The Drama Triangle; a place of toxicity where the participants are captured in a web of blame and guilt.
I remember the exact moment I learnt about it and the epiphany I experienced; realising that I had been living on the Drama Triangle with a relative all of my adult life! The curtains had been parted - and I could ‘see!’
The Drama Triangle is one big game (not a friend to TA) where you are ‘unconsciously’ invited to take up residence and play: Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer - and (plot spoiler!) you cannot win.
Chances are the person encouraging you to ‘play’ is initially in the victim position, so that you can fulfil the persecuting or rescuing roles.
“Your father doesn’t phone me anymore! I’ve been forgotten! It’s like I don’t exist! I’m going to stop contacting him, it’s too painful!” (Victim)
“Don’t forget, he has got Alzheimers! Memory’s not his greatest asset anymore. He hasn’t forgotten you! I’ll sit with him to make sure he does it.” (Rescuer)
“How can he forget me though! He’s known me all my life! Show him my photograph! You’ve clearly forgotten me too! You don’t talk about me to him, I bet! Out of sight, out of mind!” (Victim)
“Fat chance he’d be able to forget you! Do you ever stop! Moan, moan, moan!” (Persecutor)
You get the idea…round and round the triangle we go!
The good thing with the Drama Triangle is that once you see it, feel it, realise it…it can’t be unseen! You have to act - otherwise you will be a prisoner to it forever!
The even better thing? There is a healthy alternative! The Winner’s Triangle!
“I really miss my brother. I feel disconnected from him.” (Vulnerable NOT Victim)
“I appreciate your position. I know it’s tough.” (Caring NOT Rescuer)
“Maybe talking to someone at the Alzheimers Society, to help you with all the feelings you are experiencing, is something you could look into?” (Assertive NOT Persecutor)
Stop playing the game! Kiss the drama behind. Respond as the Adult, don’t react as the Child (but more about that next blog!)
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