As I've alluded to on Instagram recently, being diagnosed with C-PTSD was a double-edged sword for me. On the one hand there was validation and acknowledgement. The understanding that all of these varied and complicated layers of symptoms and challenges I'd been battling for years made sense. There was recognition that given my life experiences it was understandable that my body and brain had responded as they had. Not only that, but that it was normal to do so, lots of other people with similar experiences had similar responses. Maybe there wasn't something so wrong with me after all?
On the other hand though, I had a reaction to not wanting my past to be impacting my future. That this was a mental health diagnosis seemed somehow shameful and I wanted to hide it. Was that a legacy of the original trauma and the secrecy that the abusers relied on? I suspect there was definitely an influence from those life long patterns of behaviour.
But, what I really struggle with is the word "Disorder." My reaction is based on my sense that Disorder feels as if we are pointing at there being something wrong, malfunctioning or broken. What does it actually mean though?
Disorder is most frequently defined as meaning "confusion" or "lack of order." I'm not sure this fits. The Very Well Foundation says: "A disorder is a group of symptoms that disrupts your normal body functions but does not have a known cause." This fits in part, in that it is definitely a group of symptoms. But is there no known cause? I don't think I can agree. We know that the symptoms are brought about because of the brain and body responding to traumatic events.
So, why not Post Traumatic Stress Response/ Symptoms/ Condition? After all Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC) has been renamed rather than Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) to recognise that it is a range of symptoms. The rationale for this change was described by The International Society for Autism Research "The term "disorder" is defined as a "lack of order or intelligible pattern" or "randomness" whereas the term "condition" is simply "a state of being." Perhaps, this would make sense for PTSD and C-PTSD too? Hey, it's just my thoughts, but sometimes it's good to question things, don't you think?
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