Language is a powerful thing, it can create all kinds of feelings and reactions in us, most beyond our control and outside of our awareness. We can use words to show solidarity and to come alongside, but sometimes our efforts to do that can be hampered by another's perspective. What those words mean to them may be very different from our intended message.
In building Transcend Trauma, we have spent a lot of time thinking about words. Words that clearly explain what we mean, and words that we feel inclined to avoid because of the reaction we have to them. The most obvious example of this is that we have chosen not to use the words victim or survivor. That's not to say we feel they are "wrong" but we became acutely aware of our reactions to those words.
One of the things we noticed when looking at what caused such a strong reaction was that we felt they were terms that defined a person by the experience, albeit in a positive way perhaps in terms of survivor. Our message has always been about trauma experiences forming part of the story, but how we are so much more than the things that have happened to us.
At various points recently the term victim or survivor has been used when speaking with us. ‘C’ reacts strongly. "I have worked hard in therapy, and on myself, not to be defined by any of them. The things people have done have impacted how I see and interact with the world, but they do not form part of my identity.”
For me it’s neither - it’s WARRIOR all the way (you’ve heard about my love of boxing, right?!) and the fact that I have worn Zox bracelets for years (a wristband that is beautifully designed on the outside with a hidden affirmation on the inside), my favourite one reads WARRIORS TOGETHER. That’s how I have viewed my work for years, I am with my client; walking alongside them; fighting with them - to think, to feel, to be…
Another area we have considered is the value of belonging to a “group". This can be really helpful to the healing journey. However, we have seen occasions where the identity of the group meant that the individual was limited in their healing for fear of rejection from that group. This is reasonably rare, and is mainly found online in unmoderated spaces. It does however highlight the need to hold our experiences separately to who we are.
We aren’t saying that any term is right or wrong, but that words have impact. Perhaps it is useful to consider asking someone how they refer to their experience. What the word survivor, victim, warrior means to you may be very different to the person you are speaking to. If you need to find a term...and you really may not...asking how they would prefer you to reference their experiences would be beneficial. For example, for ‘C’ she would say "I am a person who has experienced trauma... person first, that is my identity. The trauma happened to me, it is not me.”
For me, and you may have even heard me say it in person, I am human being first, counsellor second - and to quote my favourite song (‘Fight Song’ <I really am obsessed aren’t I?!> by Rachel Platten)…”I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion!” …so let’s get talking; create a ripple effect (or an explosion!)
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